Hello and welcome back once again to another installment from the Quiet Mouse Strikes Back. For those who have been here before, I'm glad to have you back. For those just joining: welcome! (I would highly encourage reading some of my other blogs if not all of them... lots of good ideas in here)
This is the Quiet Mouse, humbly giving out helpful information that I think people need to know. I am drawing some of this topic from the hilarious Katt Williams, so follow along if you will.
Today I want to talk primarily to the female population, but fellas, listen up too...
Ladies... I think the title of the blog says a HUGE statement, and in the spirit of Katt Williams, I agree whole heartedly. If you have a man... suck his dick. If you don't have a man... maybe you NEED to brush up on your dick sucking skills?? If you have not seen the Pimp Chronicles part 1 or part 2... You should go out and get it. Rent it. I'm sure that Netflix or Blockbuster video has a copy that you can see, if not, I'll bet that someone has a copy on Amazon or e-bay for sale. Some people are just bitch niggas and it needs to be said like that. Now can you feel me?
Back to subject at hand (no pun intended)... It's easy for me as a man to get on a rant and tell you this and that. It is. HOWEVER, I'm gonna start with the fellas for some need to know info. WASH YOUR COCK AND BALLS. Enough said. Trim that wookie-ass Chewbacca-looking Don King afro samurai bush you got down there (well, I guess some of the ladies need to do that too, but let's be honest, overall, women are MUCH cleaner and well groomed than us men are). NO ONE, man or woman, wants to get a mouth full of pubes. PERIOD!
As far as it goes for sucking dick ladies, you have the RIGHT to say no. That is your right. However, just remember that your man IS willing to lick your pussy, AND it doesn't look good on YOU wanting HIM to do something for YOU... did you catch all of that? Kinda like not getting a job cause of a lousy resume...
If you do NOT suck dick, you are missing out on the bigger picture of things. You evidently do NOT understand how powerful of a motivational skill this can be. Perhaps you don't know how? Perhaps you need a little help with your technique (too much teeth, microphone auditioning, etc...)?
Now ladies, I know that you are not as visually oriented as men are, but I'm gonna tell you now, without a doubt: watch some porn on giving head if you are lacking in technique. AND I know your man is MORE THAN WILLING to be your practicing dummy! If you just find it morally reprehensible or some other nonsense to sucking dick, then I suggest buying a damn Cosmopolitan magazine. There is some dirty shit in that magazine. I have it on good authority from several sources that all the secrets to a good love life are in those pages. You might need a couple different issues, but I think you can figure it out. If you can't read the magazine, than I think the videos might work better... I'm just saying...
Another thing ladies is DO NOT BE AFRAID OF THE PENIS... it may look ugly, but with a little bit of effort, it will get very happy to see you!! Maybe not much effort at all, but like many other things in life a blow JOB does require a little bit of "work ethic", ya know?
Let me illuminate several examples of how powerful sucking your man's dick can be...
1) If you want something done around the house, you could make a list. You could nag and complain "sorry ass motherfucker don't do shit..." etc. You could just do it yourself... OR...
You could suck your man's dick and I'll bet ya he'll be excited to clean them dishes, take out the trash, or mow the lawn. The chore is NOT the important part, it is the MOTIVATION behind it that is important!!
2) If your man comes home from work all stressed out and HE is the one nagging or complaining about his bad day... suck his dick and see how quickly he is de-stressed and unwound. With your mouth around his junk, he is NOT gonna be complaining about an unkempt house or the laundry that needs folded!!
3) If you are having a fight with your man, right in the middle of the argument, unzip his pants and suck his dick. No matter what you were fighting about before, this nigga done already forgot and forgiven you!! Once again, it doesn't matter what the fight was about, suck his dick and he will WANT to listen (in about 3 minutes... well, some dudes take longer).
Here is another thing that women NEED to know about men... listening? Are you ready?
EVERY man has envisioned himself as a porn star.
"Huh, Quiet Mouse... I don't get it."
shhhhhhh... listen...
Every man wants a woman that knows how to act in public but is a FREAK in the bedroom. Now when I say bedroom, I just mean behind a closed door. If you want to fuck or suck in the living room, bathroom, laundry room or wherever, I really don't know a dude that is gonna complain. Seriously.
The TRUTH is that if you won't do it... there is a freaky ass ho somewhere that WILL!! And he probably KNOWS her number on speed dial. Don't start spazzing out on me. NOT every man is easily distracted and willing to part ways from a good woman. ALL I am saying is that you will get SO MUCH MORE out of your relationship if you open up your mind to the possibility of sucking your man's dick. Men LOVE spontaneity. If you just out of nowhere push him against a wall and pull down his pants, I believe you have just taken the reins on the relationship into your own hands (literally). Like at the movie theater, library, or even the car.
As Katt Williams points out, some women believe that men think that giving head is a "pussy replacement". We shall set the record straight "... and I speak for all real niggas when I say, there is NO SUCH THING AS A PUSSY REPLACEMENT."
If you want your man to be faithful, loyal, etc... GIVE HIM A REASON TO STAY! Make time for something as important as sucking dick. Your relationship will be so much better and your man will be like Bob-fucking-Villa ready to go to work on them chores after getting some super-head.
Now fellas, you have to do your part too... if she bends over for you... (you get where I'm going?) YOU better reciprocate and bend your back for her. Women have a tough job, fellas. They are the caretakers whether you are sick or well. They mother the kids, clean the house, and wash the shit stains out of your nasty ass drawers... The LEAST you should do is help with the dishes and give her a break. You cut her a break with HER work, she might just find that extra time useful for sucking your dick. Do you understand where I'm coming from (again, no pun intended)?
If this blog has offended you, sorry, but I think some things just NEED to be said. I am trying to help you avoid relationship pitfalls before they happen. So lets sum it up and recap for a moment.
Sucking dick is good for the house environment. You don't have to swallow, but we all like when you DO. If you DO swallow, brush your teeth or wash your mouth out before trying to kiss us. I know where MY dick has been, so I'm not afraid of the kiss, but some of these other bitch niggas are afraid, and that's okay.
EVERYONE has to do their part. The fellas have to help with the chores and keep the junk clean. Ladies, we NEED you to get excited about sucking dick. If YOU get excited about that, WE will get excited about doing yard work and cleaning!!
I hope everyone has learned something here today. I know I sure have. Be good to one another. Men need women and women need men. Everyone CAN get along, we just have to put in the EFFORT it takes. ANYTHING in life worth having is worth the effort it takes to get it and keep it.
This IS the one and ONLY Quiet Mouse.
Peace. Love. Respect. Honesty. Trust.
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You are a riot. Yes, men should have no issues whatsoever with "manscaping". Stop your whining about how it itches or you get ingrown hairs. Be a man and wax! It's a lot of pain initially, however, the growth is slower and it will smell cleaner down there. Washing like you said is very, very important. You should be as anal (no pun intended) as we women are about it. Just keep in mind that unless we are performing in front of a camera for loads of money, we will not go down there if you've just spent an hour on the terlit, unless we know you washed.
ReplyDeleteVery true and very funny. i was married once for 2years and didnt get any bjs during that time. needless to say i started doing my own thing hanging w my friends more and she divorced me real quick. so ya it makes a difference in a relationship
ReplyDeleteLMAO.. I love it and agree totally.. I am a woman and I love to suck my man's dick.. anywhere anytime anyhow..
ReplyDeleteOh yeah.. with age, comes experience.. it's the young girlies who are like: "eeeeuuuuwwww".. get over yourself girls, it's sooooo goood! Oh.. and I love being eaten too.. so fair is fair.. and my men LOVE it when I shave them.. LOL
OMG Kat! LOL!
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