Does the title really NEED to say much more? I think not. Now this isn't a blog to completely hate on kids, because sometimes they are really fun and cool too. Sometimes everyone has a bad day... this blog is for those days.
Thank you for joining me once again on this trek across the journey we call "life". I'd offer to make you a drink so you can sit back comfortably and laugh your ass off... here's to you friend \_/ salud!
Now for those who don't have kids... I'm sure that someday your hormones will catch up to you and cause you to have sex without a condom... oops! Or she will "forget" to take the pill, etc.
Kids are definitely a life changing experience. It is a good thing that we cannot remember our own births because quite frankly it's pretty disgusting, the act of child birth. Also, I KNOW for a fact that the majority of women, although they think they want a baby, they are LESS THAN THRILLED about the obvious outcomes: i.e. stretch marks, weight gain, and hormonal imbalances like the ones that cause post-partum depression.
Skipping past the baby stage into toddler age and then school age you have to worry about TEACHING them how to be good people all the way to being competent, capable adults while trying equally hard not to scar them too badly in the future.
All of these things are difficult indeed and it is often you find yourself beating the head proverbially against the wall. I NEVER thought in my life I would find myself saying certain things to another human being... things like: don't stick your finger in the cat's butt, don't stick the fork in the electrical socket, etc. Most of these annoyances usually involve the child putting his fingers somewhere it doesn't belong... especially in PUBLIC. What a nightmare for parents to be out in public when your child decides to fondle his/her private parts or run around naked. Even worse is the near CONSTANT struggle of getting kids to listen as they are generally off in la la land playing with the magical dragons... or something.
In addition, I have gotten to the point where I HATE having the television on anywhere in the vicinity of my children. They are like little zombie moths attracted to a flame. As soon as they see the brilliant lights and colors/sound from the t.v. they lose all track of time and reality. They become detached and unaware of your presence completely oblivious to the fact that you are talking to them. Of course then they want to treat you, the parent, like you are some sort of asshole for reprimanding them. Once again read my blog on how all kids have brain damage...
In fact it is quite often and very common for the kid to treat the adult like he/she is a jerk when in fact it is the little egotistical, self-centered shit that is generally the one who is the main antagonist to the parent's nerves... usually out of boredom or sadism.
Next we have the deplorable act that requires constant attention: cootie control. Have you ever noticed that kids NEVER remember anything really... especially the need to cover mouth when coughing and/or sneezing. It is pretty much inevitable that one parent, if not both will end up with whatever sickness the child has brought home from school, or pretty much anywhere since kids NEVER wash their own hands by their own volition. It is a constant struggle to get kids to wash their hands and KEEP them clean. Lord knows that they touch EVERYTHING... and where is the very FIRST place they stick their fingers... in their nose or in their mouth. If it's the nose first, then it usually goes quickly into the mouth with cootie attached boogers... EWWW, SICK!!
On top of that they are pretty much ALL sore losers, weather it be at Nintendo, board games, or outdoor sports. And forget about good sportsmanship and being a good winner. Nope.
I often wonder what is wrong with the brain of a child... beyond the fact that they are selfish and immature, of course. For example you tell a kid to do something and then they just stare at you like a third eyeball just magically appeared in your forehead. This causes immense irritation.
And I love this one... "Daddy, I'm bored!"
Ladies and gentlemen... I must admit I draw a sense of pleasure during these moments because I WILL find the child something to do... usually involving chores... which is yet ANOTHER source of frustration. Now please tell me if I'm wrong, but I personally think it's pretty cool to offer to PAY your child to do chores. This however comes with a few stipulations, for example:
1) If I have to do the chores FOR YOU... YOU don't get paid... I DO!
2) If I have to tell you to do the chores 100 million times, I'm just gonna do it myself and YOU AREN'T getting paid... I AM!
3) If I pay you to do the chores, they had better be done RIGHT the first time. (This is yet another source of irritation because they NEVER do the job properly and yet still expect to get paid)
4) If you enjoy all the toys and clothes and niceties... PICK THEM THE FUCK UP OFF THE FLOOR... or else I'm gonna assume you DON'T want it and I will give it to someone who IS APPRECIATIVE and WILL WANT IT and TAKE CARE OF IT.
My house is NOT a junk pile for some lazy child to constantly keep making messes. Neither myself or my significant other are SLAVES, MAIDS, BUTLERS, or any other kind of SERVANTS to the child(ren).
Emo kids who think middle class suburban life is just so tough... poor baby, you just didn't get the new X-Box game so "nobody loves me"... boo hoo hoo, cry me a river you fucking pussies. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. LIFE IS TOUGH... NO MATTER WHAT AGE!!!
In the immortal words of Tyler Durden... "You are NOT a special flower!"
In my opinion, the BEST thing we can do for our young developing minds is this:
STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR THEM! STOP PUSSIFYING YOUR KIDS! STOP LETTING THEM BE LAZY LITTLE TV ZOMBIES! EXERCISE! FEED THEM BREAKFAST! STUDY WITH THEM! TAKE AN ACTIVE INTEREST IN THEIR LIVES! GO ON VACATION TOGETHER! EAT TOGETHER IN FRONT OF THE TABLE INSTEAD OF THE TV!
These are ALL highly reasonable solutions for bratty kids. ALL kids are gonna go through these phases. Do NOT be afraid to be the ADULT! The child does NOT do most of the work, cooking, cleaning, paying bills, etc. YOU are the adult! YOU set the rules! Post them on the wall so everyone knows what's up! But do NOT let them walk all over you. Give and receive. This CAN be a time of love and sharing, but it must be done carefully. I know as a parent you might often feel like you are tap dancing on egg shells, in fear of fucking your child up... too bad... everyone is pretty much crazy! Everyone needs therapy as an adult! It is far better thing to be strict and have your child in therapy, but at least they will be a good productive adult when they reach the proper age... at least we all hope so. Just do the BEST you can... and expect no less from your kids. This has been the Quiet Mouse.
Peace. Love. Respect. Listen. Patience.
Thank you for joining me once again on this trek across the journey we call "life". I'd offer to make you a drink so you can sit back comfortably and laugh your ass off... here's to you friend \_/ salud!
Now for those who don't have kids... I'm sure that someday your hormones will catch up to you and cause you to have sex without a condom... oops! Or she will "forget" to take the pill, etc.
Kids are definitely a life changing experience. It is a good thing that we cannot remember our own births because quite frankly it's pretty disgusting, the act of child birth. Also, I KNOW for a fact that the majority of women, although they think they want a baby, they are LESS THAN THRILLED about the obvious outcomes: i.e. stretch marks, weight gain, and hormonal imbalances like the ones that cause post-partum depression.
Skipping past the baby stage into toddler age and then school age you have to worry about TEACHING them how to be good people all the way to being competent, capable adults while trying equally hard not to scar them too badly in the future.
All of these things are difficult indeed and it is often you find yourself beating the head proverbially against the wall. I NEVER thought in my life I would find myself saying certain things to another human being... things like: don't stick your finger in the cat's butt, don't stick the fork in the electrical socket, etc. Most of these annoyances usually involve the child putting his fingers somewhere it doesn't belong... especially in PUBLIC. What a nightmare for parents to be out in public when your child decides to fondle his/her private parts or run around naked. Even worse is the near CONSTANT struggle of getting kids to listen as they are generally off in la la land playing with the magical dragons... or something.
In addition, I have gotten to the point where I HATE having the television on anywhere in the vicinity of my children. They are like little zombie moths attracted to a flame. As soon as they see the brilliant lights and colors/sound from the t.v. they lose all track of time and reality. They become detached and unaware of your presence completely oblivious to the fact that you are talking to them. Of course then they want to treat you, the parent, like you are some sort of asshole for reprimanding them. Once again read my blog on how all kids have brain damage...
In fact it is quite often and very common for the kid to treat the adult like he/she is a jerk when in fact it is the little egotistical, self-centered shit that is generally the one who is the main antagonist to the parent's nerves... usually out of boredom or sadism.
Next we have the deplorable act that requires constant attention: cootie control. Have you ever noticed that kids NEVER remember anything really... especially the need to cover mouth when coughing and/or sneezing. It is pretty much inevitable that one parent, if not both will end up with whatever sickness the child has brought home from school, or pretty much anywhere since kids NEVER wash their own hands by their own volition. It is a constant struggle to get kids to wash their hands and KEEP them clean. Lord knows that they touch EVERYTHING... and where is the very FIRST place they stick their fingers... in their nose or in their mouth. If it's the nose first, then it usually goes quickly into the mouth with cootie attached boogers... EWWW, SICK!!
On top of that they are pretty much ALL sore losers, weather it be at Nintendo, board games, or outdoor sports. And forget about good sportsmanship and being a good winner. Nope.
I often wonder what is wrong with the brain of a child... beyond the fact that they are selfish and immature, of course. For example you tell a kid to do something and then they just stare at you like a third eyeball just magically appeared in your forehead. This causes immense irritation.
And I love this one... "Daddy, I'm bored!"
Ladies and gentlemen... I must admit I draw a sense of pleasure during these moments because I WILL find the child something to do... usually involving chores... which is yet ANOTHER source of frustration. Now please tell me if I'm wrong, but I personally think it's pretty cool to offer to PAY your child to do chores. This however comes with a few stipulations, for example:
1) If I have to do the chores FOR YOU... YOU don't get paid... I DO!
2) If I have to tell you to do the chores 100 million times, I'm just gonna do it myself and YOU AREN'T getting paid... I AM!
3) If I pay you to do the chores, they had better be done RIGHT the first time. (This is yet another source of irritation because they NEVER do the job properly and yet still expect to get paid)
4) If you enjoy all the toys and clothes and niceties... PICK THEM THE FUCK UP OFF THE FLOOR... or else I'm gonna assume you DON'T want it and I will give it to someone who IS APPRECIATIVE and WILL WANT IT and TAKE CARE OF IT.
My house is NOT a junk pile for some lazy child to constantly keep making messes. Neither myself or my significant other are SLAVES, MAIDS, BUTLERS, or any other kind of SERVANTS to the child(ren).
Emo kids who think middle class suburban life is just so tough... poor baby, you just didn't get the new X-Box game so "nobody loves me"... boo hoo hoo, cry me a river you fucking pussies. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. LIFE IS TOUGH... NO MATTER WHAT AGE!!!
In the immortal words of Tyler Durden... "You are NOT a special flower!"
In my opinion, the BEST thing we can do for our young developing minds is this:
STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR THEM! STOP PUSSIFYING YOUR KIDS! STOP LETTING THEM BE LAZY LITTLE TV ZOMBIES! EXERCISE! FEED THEM BREAKFAST! STUDY WITH THEM! TAKE AN ACTIVE INTEREST IN THEIR LIVES! GO ON VACATION TOGETHER! EAT TOGETHER IN FRONT OF THE TABLE INSTEAD OF THE TV!
These are ALL highly reasonable solutions for bratty kids. ALL kids are gonna go through these phases. Do NOT be afraid to be the ADULT! The child does NOT do most of the work, cooking, cleaning, paying bills, etc. YOU are the adult! YOU set the rules! Post them on the wall so everyone knows what's up! But do NOT let them walk all over you. Give and receive. This CAN be a time of love and sharing, but it must be done carefully. I know as a parent you might often feel like you are tap dancing on egg shells, in fear of fucking your child up... too bad... everyone is pretty much crazy! Everyone needs therapy as an adult! It is far better thing to be strict and have your child in therapy, but at least they will be a good productive adult when they reach the proper age... at least we all hope so. Just do the BEST you can... and expect no less from your kids. This has been the Quiet Mouse.
Peace. Love. Respect. Listen. Patience.
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