I'm gonna start by taking an excerpt from www.marriagebuilders.com
Inside all of us is a Love Bank with accounts in the names of everyone we know. When these people are associated with our good feelings, "love units" are deposited into their accounts, and when they are associated with our bad feelings, love units are withdrawn. We are emotionally attracted to people with positive balances and repulsed by those with negative balances. This is the way our emotions encourage us to be with people who seem to treat us well, and avoid those who seem to hurt us.
The emotional reactions we have toward people, whether attraction or repulsion, is not a matter of choice. Love Bank balances cause them. Try "choosing" to be attracted to those you associate with some of your worst experiences -- it's almost impossible. Or try to feel repulsed by those associated with your best feelings. You do not decide whom you will like or dislike -- it's their association with your feelings, whether they have made Love Bank deposits or withdrawals, that determines your emotional reactions to them.
We like those with positive Love Bank balances and dislike those with negative balances. But if an account reaches a certain threshold, a very special emotional reaction is triggered -- romantic love. We no longer simply like the person -- we are in love. It's a feeling of incredible attraction to someone of the opposite sex.
The feeling of love is the way our emotions encourage us to spend more time with someone who takes especially good care of us -- someone who is effective at making us very happy and knows how to avoid making us unhappy. We would certainly want to spend time with someone we simply liked, but by giving us the feeling we call love, our emotions give us added motivation. We find ourselves not only wanting to be with the person, but also craving that person. When we are together we feel fulfilled, and when apart we feel lonely and incomplete. So the feeling of love is usually effective not only in drawing people together for significant amounts of time, but also in encouraging them to spend their entire lives together in marriage.
But our emotions give us more than the feeling of love. When they identify someone who makes us happy, they also motivate us to reciprocate by encouraging us to make that person happy. They do this by making it seem almost effortless to do what makes most of us the happiest. Have you ever noticed that when you are in love, you seem instinctively affectionate, conversant, admiring and willing to make love? That's because your emotions want to keep that person around, so it gives you instincts to help you make that person happy which, if effective, triggers his or her feeling of love for you. The "look of love" not only communicates our feeling of love for someone, but also reflects our instinct to do whatever it takes to make that person happy.
When a man and woman are both in love, their emotions encourage them to make each other happy for life. In fact, the thought of spending life apart is usually frightening. It seems to them that they were made to be together for eternity. In almost every case, a man and woman marry because they are in love, and they are in love because their love bank balances are above the romantic love threshold.
But what goes up can usually come down, and love bank balances are no exception. As most married couples have discovered, the feeling of romantic love is much more fragile than originally thought. And if Love Bank balances drop below the romantic love threshold, a couple not only lose their feeling of passion for each other, but they lose their instinct to make each other happy. What was once effortless now becomes awkward, and even repulsive. Instead of the look of love, couples have the look of apathy. And without love, a husband and wife no longer want to spend their lives together. Instead, they start thinking of divorce, or at least living their lives apart from one another.
I knew you were curious and would ask, so I came up with my own answer: The love bank.
In my opinion, American society in particular is nearly completely devoid of love. Before you go barking up my tree allow me to explain if you will.
Here's the deal. I think it doesn't take a rocket scientist or an advanced degree to follow my logic when I say that the Love deficit for most Americans (and others in the world too) is directly linked with the monetary deficit that we face as well. My point is that people seem to feel this insatiable need to fill the void or lack of love with material possessions, often times ones they cannot afford such as expensive houses, cars, and technological gadgets. I also believe that this void is filled with alcohol, tobacco, drug use, gambling, and sexual deviancy, among other vices.
The reality is that each and every one of us as humans has the innate NEED, call it an instinct if you will, to find love and happiness in our lives. Too many people mistake SEX for love. These two are NOT the same, however true pure LOVE WILL lead to a better sex life.
I think apathy and materialism are the antithesis of real love. Many people are fearful of finding love because they equate the feeling with negativity. Let me explain. Men in particular are fearful of finding real love because there is a social financial expectation from American women. The MAJORITY of American women expect fancy gifts like jewelry or romantic dinners for all of these silly Hallmark holidays that are accentuated for mainstream corporate profits, unrealistic expectations, and the overall dissatisfaction and detachment between men and women.
If we could get past the desire for more and more materialism, past the carnal sexual desires, and move to a state of intimacy and communication, then and only then perhaps we can begin to repair this rift between the genders. Same thing goes for same sex couples as well. We ALL have a love bank that needs to be repaired. Think of it like a piggy bank, except too many people have theirs smashed with a hammer. Love IS the super glue to repair your love piggy bank.
Also, I think a lot of people are addicted to relationships (notice how I did NOT say love here). It seems to me that a lot of people, both men and women are addicted to the IDEA of being in a relationship, mainly for financial stability it seems, but are NOT actually interested in the person they are with (EVERYONE has problems and issues, that IS part of being human). I think the word "love" itself has been thrown around too much by fly-by-night relationships. What is worse is that these same people that throw this word around casually are ONLY trying to fill a void in their own persona. The ONLY way to have true love in your life is to first and foremost love the man or woman in the mirror!! If you can't even look in the mirror without disgust... how on Earth do you plan on making someone else happy or feel loved??? Happiness, similar to love is obviously NOT a universal experience. Many people do not even recognize the signs of happiness or love when they are faced with it. Loving someone does NOT mean that you have to be all glossy-googly-eyed at one another 24/7. Love does NOT need constant affirmation (insecurity DOES). No wonder people feel disconnected with the idea of love when the person who said that says that they love you is the one who hurts you the most. It doesn't have to be this way.
I am gonna end this blog in a moment, but I want you to think about being KIND to one another. You don't have to be in an intimate romantic relationship to feel or give love out to others. Sharing kindness, empathy, and happiness with others (even strangers) IS the key to a happy life. There is a harmony and homeostasis in the world, so please understand that there is no love without the opposite feelings of fear, hate, and insecurity. We ALL have to experience strife and adversity to have a basis for comparison so we will appreciate the good times. Learn from the bad, take the good and become a better person. Find the middle road, even if you don't believe the teachings of the Buddha or the Bible.
Also remember that you do NOT need a special holiday to spread love and joy to others. Make today, tomorrow, and EVERY other day your day to lift your fellow man and loved ones UP rather than pulling them down with insecurity, fear, and hatred.
This has been the Quiet Mouse. Keep the love alive by being a better person. Love is NOT asking for more material possessions or receiving, but love is about GIVING and reciprocating, NOT Hallmark holidays!
Peace. Love. Respect. Truth.
No comments:
Post a Comment